Thank You Notes

Things change, but one rule of etiquette will always remain -- you must send thank you notes for all your wedding and shower gifts. Here are a few tips:

Ordering Your Thank You Notes
You might want to purchase your thank you notes at the same time you order your invitations. Most invitation companies have thank you notes that match or can coordinate with your invitations.

Many couples are choosing monograms (bride's first initial, couple's last name initial, groom's first initial) or "Mr. and Mrs. ____" on their thank you notes. Also remember, that you should not send out thank you notes with your married name until after the wedding (if you are changing your name). So, you may want a few printed with your maiden name to take care of your shower gifts.

When ordering your thank you notes, it's always a good idea to order plenty of extras. You'll be able to use these notes after the wedding, and it will always be a wonderful reminder when you do.

What to Say

  • Always mention the gift somewhere in the body of the note.
  • Let the person know you like it.
  • Mention how you plan to use the gift (or spend the money). For example, "I can't wait to have my first dinner party so we can use the new china..." or "Thank you for your generous gift... we've been saving for a down payment on a new house".
  • You should also make at least one personal reference in your thank you note, such as... "We were so happy that you were able to come to California for the wedding".
  • If you are writing the thank you notes, you should reference both you and your fiancée... "Steve and I really like the...". "Steve and I want to thank you for the..."

When to Send Them 
You always should acknowledge and thank someone for a gift as soon as possible.

The rule of etiquette for thank you notes: for gifts received before the wedding, you should send out a thank you note within two weeks. For gifts received after the wedding, you have up to one month to send out your thank you notes. However, it has become acceptable today to send wedding thank you notes up to two months after the wedding, especially if you take a long honeymoon or invited several hundred guests.

Who Else Should Get a Thank You Note?
Remember to send thank you notes to all your host or hostesses of your engagement party, bridal shower and rehearsal dinner. You may also want to send thank you notes to the individuals who participated in your wedding (readers, etc.). Another nice gesture is to send thank you notes to any of your vendors that exceeded your expectations.

Always give a special thanks to the bride's parents, groom's parents, maid of honor, best man and your officiant or clergyman.

A Few Words of Advice
Don't let your thank you notes pile up... the task will become overwhelming and you won't want to tackle a mountain of thank you notes.

Also, don't think of writing out thank you notes as an awful, arduous task. Think about all the people that cared enough about you to come to your wedding and give you a gift. Thank them with warmth and sincerity.

Some Thank You Examples

For guests who attended the wedding:

Example 1:  Dear Jan and Tom,

Thank you for the beautiful cushions. They look perfect with our new sofa and really add a splash of color.

It was so lovely to see you both at our wedding and I hope you enjoyed yourselves. Our honeymoon in Florida was utterly fantastic. We enjoyed great weather and lots of huge meals. Steve sends his love, and says that we’ll have to get together for a drink once he’s settled into married life.

Look forward to seeing you both soon.

Liz and Steve
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Example 2:  Dear Jan and Tom,

Dropping you a quick note to thank you for our wedding present. People laughed at us for wanting such mundane things as a salad bowl. It is just what we wanted, as it goes with the set that Liz’s parents bought her for her birthday last year. All we need now is the weather to suit a salad!

Hope everything is ok with you, it was great to see you at the wedding, and Liz and I are looking forward to seeing you at Christmas as usual.

All the Best,

Liz and Steve
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For a gift received before the wedding:

Dear Jan and Tom,

Just dropping you a quick line to thank you for the wonderful set of gardening tools. We were so thrilled when we heard from the department store. Steve has promised to tackle the garden as soon as we return from our honeymoon!

We look forward to seeing you both on the 12 th. Fingers crossed for good weather!

Love,

Liz and Steve
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For guests who gave money:

Dear Jan and Tom,

Just a little note to thank you for your generous wedding gift. It has been duly deposited in our savings account, which is earmarked for our dining room suite.

John and I have now chosen the color scheme for the room, so the pleasure of choosing our furniture is not far away. Funny how quickly you get used to eating from a tray in the lounge – the cats love it!

You must come a round once we are totally decorated and organized.

Love,

Liz and Steve
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For guests who were unable to attend the wedding but sent a gift:

Dear Jan and Tom,

Thank you for the beautiful set of glasses. We received them in perfect condition and just in time to toast ourselves before setting off on our honeymoon.

We were so sorry that you weren’t able to share our day, and hope that the enclosed photo gives you a feel of the happy day we enjoyed.

We missed you both, and look forward to seeing you next time you venture down south.

Take Care,

Liz and Steve
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For a gift from a large group of people:

Dear All,

I just wanted to drop all of you a note to say thank you for the beautiful cutlery set. We have started to use it now that Steve has found time to clear out the kitchen drawers. It’s amazing how much stuff we’ve accumulated.

It was lovely to see so many of you at our wedding, and I hope you all enjoyed yourselves. I’ve certainly never seen Joe and Stephanie hit the dance floor with such enthusiasm before!

Thank you all again for such a fabulous gift!

Liz and Steve
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For a gift from a small group of people:

Dear Mary, Julie, John, Christine, Luke, Matt & Jen:

Thank you so much for the coffee maker and the matching mugs you bought us. I am in awe that you managed to organize Julie and Kristen into even thinking about the wedding before the day itself!

We must all get together once Steve and I are organized, as it feels like ages since the whole gang were together.

Speak to you soon,

Liz and Steve

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